Bus Pass Benny
Comedy parody song about Benjamin Oscar Oliver, stern TM Travel bus driver. Fast acoustic guitar, tuba, snare, kazoo, and honky-tonk piano. Lyrics joke about wrong bus passes, no nonsense rules, and obeying the timetable.
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Here comes Benjamin Oscar Oliver
Cap brim sharp as his stare
He can spot a wrong pass at fifty yards
And he’ll freeze you to the chair
You flash last year’s student ticket
He just tilts his head
Says
“You can try that on your grandma
But this bus runs on dread”
[Chorus]
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
King of the timetable
If it ain’t the right pass
He says
“Off you hop if you’re able”
We leave at 09:02
No
Not ‘ish’
Not ‘ish’
That’s through
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
Runs the bus
It don’t run you (hey!)
[Verse 2]
Lady waves from halfway down the street
He checks his ancient watch
Doors go “pssh” right on the dot
She’s left there with her scotch
“Can’t you wait?” she pleads and pantomimes
He just shrugs
Deadpan
“Ma’am
The timetable’s my first love
You’re… at least my fifth plan”
[Chorus]
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
King of the timetable
If it ain’t the right pass
He says
“Off you hop if you’re able”
We leave at 09:02
No
Not ‘ish’
Not ‘ish’
That’s through
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
Runs the bus
It don’t run you
[Bridge]
[Honky-tonk piano break
Kazoo copying the melody]
One kid tries a crumpled photocopy
One tries cash and charm
One brings six expired week savers
Tuba sounds the alarm
He just points at the printed schedule
Pinned up like the law
Says
“Read it
Learn it
Dream it
Then we’ll talk about your stop”
[Chorus]
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
King of the timetable
If it ain’t the right pass
He says
“Off you hop if you’re able”
We leave at 09:02
No
Not ‘ish’
Not ‘ish’
That’s through
Benjamin Oscar Oliver
Runs the bus
It don’t run you (oh yeah!)
[Outro]
So if you ride with Benjamin
Get your plastic sorted first
Be five minutes early
Shoes tied tight
Or prepare for the worst
He’s the stern TM Travel sentinel
With that legendary glower
But you’ll always get there on the dot
To the minute
To the hour